Really, I meant to do this blog for National Infertility Awareness Week during April 22-28, but I felt pressured and I usually don't write well under pressure. Some people do. Not this girl.
I didn't know what to say that would bring awareness to this disease that devastates millions of couples. Especially since the the NIAW theme was "Don't Ignore Infertility". How can people ignore something they never even hear about?
That's got to change. People need to start hearing about it. And I'm not going to keep quiet. That's why I created this blog and am sharing my story. Infertility could affect you someday.
I'm going to give you the basic facts. Because the more you know, the more awareness this disease has.
What is infertility? Well, some would think it only happens when you get old. Wrong. It can happen at any age. Couples that are under 35 and have been trying for one year or more are deemed infertile. And women age 35 and older that have been trying for 6 months or more are infertile.
How many people are affected? It's more common than you think. 1 in 8 couples are fighting infertility right now. I guarantee you know someone that is struggling or has struggled with infertility at some point in their life.
Isn't it usually the woman's fault? Nope. One-third is due to male factor, one-third is female factor, and the final third is a combination of both or unexplained.
"Just relax and you'll get pregnant" doesn't work. Sorry folks, this age old advice doesn't work for infertile's. Will "just relaxing" fix any other medical disorder? No. Infertility is caused by reproductive dysfunction.
Isn't there medicine and technology to help you get pregnant? Yes, there is. Though some of it is very expensive. Drugs to help with ovulation disorders help many women achieve pregnancy. There is also IUI (intrauterine insemination) in which the man's sperm are washed and inserted into the woman's uterus. And IVF (in vitro fertilization) in which eggs are extracted from a woman's ovaries, fertilized with sperm in a petri dish, and then inserted into the woman's uterus.
Why don't infertile couples just adopt? Like fertile couples, infertile couples desire to have children with mommy's eyes and daddy's nose. Infertile women long to feel a baby growing inside them during pregnancy. It's a basic human desire to parent genetic children. Infertile couples want that choice, just like fertile couples.
What does infertility feel like? Honestly, it's crushing. Watching friends and family start having children of their own is the most painful thing while you are forced to sit on the side lines. You watch them experience everything you desire to experience and the emptiness in your heart only grows darker. The baby shower invites, the weekly pregnancy updates, the baby belly pictures make you long for a child of your own even more. And each month when your period comes is the most devastating time of your life.
Infertility hurts. Infertility sucks. Infertility is a life changer.
Don't ignore infertility.
If you have ANY questions at all to ask, please do. There is really little I would be embarrassed about. Trust me. And there can be a lot of TMI in this area!
Please visit Resolve: The National Infertility Association if you would like further information on infertility.
Yikes! I'm totally not in a place in my life where I want to reproduce (taking care of 2 cats is sometimes a lot for me to remember!) so I may seem a bit rude or something but I'm sorry. My aunt suffered from infertility (I think that's what it would be called) after she had her first kid, she wasn't able to conceive another for 10 years and that was after lots and lots of doctor help. What's the best, and worst, thing to say to someone who's in that situation? It's so hard for me to empathize because, like I said, the thought of having a kid right now totally bums me out. Also, is the cost of infertility (testing, treatments, and the like) really limiting for some couples? Just wondering, you totally don't have to answer if you don't want to.
ReplyDeleteNo worries, Kiley. The fact that you are asking questions makes you completely un-rude. Your aunt had what is called secondary infertility and it is every bit as painful as infertility.
DeleteThe best thing to say to someone fighting infertility is to let them know you support them, that you are thinking about them and that you care. Infertility is lonely when no one knows what you're going through. Having people to give you hope and lift you up when you're down means so much.
The worst thing to say is "Are you pregnant yet?". That is an extremely invasive question and when the answer is "No" for the couple it hurts. Also, unsolicited advice is pretty bad to say as well. Like "Just relax" or "I know somebody that got pregnant once they stopped trying". Hearing that down plays our feelings and implies that pregnancy is just around the corner if we would only relax. We wish it was that easy!
Paying for treatments can be limiting for some (like us!) because only some insurance companies in some states cover infertility treatments. Our current provider will cover testing and some meds, but not the costly procedures of IUI or IVF.
Kiley, thank you for your questions! If you have any more, feel free to ask. I have an open door.
Very powerful post Rachael. I'm with you on being young and infertile, it sucks. It seems like everyone else in our age range has no trouble getting pregnant, though maybe there are more of us suffering in silence.
ReplyDeleteThank you Breanna. It is especially difficult because are so young and it is unexpected. I wish none of us had to suffer in silence. One day it will be different if we keep talking.
DeleteRachael, if you need anything let me know. I'm sorry that you have to go through this, but I am thankful that you have this blog. There are thousands of people sharing your pain, and have no information or support. You are doing a wonderful thing for women everywhere. I know what you're going through on some level, because I was there for a while. I don't know if you've ever been to the TCOYF website...tcoyf.com, but there are forums on there where people have conversations about this sort of thing all the time. You should check it out. As far as I'm aware, that's the only place that has good infertility support on the internet (with the exception of your informative blog!). You could probably do wonderful things in that forum, as well as get support from other women sharing your pain. Sending love and well wishes your way!
ReplyDeleteThank you Lizzy. I have not been to the TCOYF forums but I certainly will check those out. I actually love CafeMom and am part of an infertility support group on there. You should check it out, they have all kinds of forums for ladies on the parenthood journey. Sending love and well wishes your way too, friend!
Delete