Turkey Day Twinges

This cycle isn't so dark after all. My chart is completely blank. I have nothing to go off of besides the positive OPK's and fertile cervical fluid I experienced. Yet, I have the first signs of possible pregnancy. Yesterday, yes on Thanksgiving day, I started to feel a bit crampy in my utero area. It’s possible that it’s implantation since I was 7 dpo (8 today). However, I cramp every cycle around 7-8 dpo so part of me is telling myself to not get too excited because this is the norm. I should be used to this by now, but it excites me so to think that I might have a baby growing inside me. I hope it’s true.

What do you think? Do you start cramping before you get AF? Or is my body just strange?

Praying for two pink lines.

What happens when you unplug yourself?

When I set out into this cycle, I was excited and nervous. I planned on just relaxing, letting it happen, and not worrying about getting pregnant. I accomplished some of that, but really tried to make this month wild and free. I did the bare basics without tracking my body as meticulously as I had for the past eleven months.

And I got both those things: wild and free.

Let me explain the wild part. DH, Mr. C, has gotten slightly bored with the baby dance routine. Do you blame him after eleven months? You would think the guy would be in booty-call heaven! Sometimes, I jokingly call him my sperm donor but frequently that is the truth. He would not be in the mood and neither would I, but we baby danced to get the job done. Look where that has got us.

This month I never once mentioned the need to donate. Instead I dropped hints and made myself into a desirable, sexy woman so Mr. C never knew what hit him. Sweet talking and lace are magical things. Plus I left out the fact that the OPK was a go and my fluids were abundant. Yeah, that might have worked too.

What’s ironic is that he was more easily persuaded during my fertile time. Normally when I announce that I’m ovulating he closes his legs and I almost have to pry them open. So perhaps pheromones are the magical things. Go biology and mother nature.

Second is the free part. I opted to not chart this cycle. Trust me, it was hard at first. Temping was so ingrained into my morning routine that it felt unnatural to just lay in bed after waking. Seriously. It felt odd to not get on Fertility Friend first thing and enter my numbers. My chart looked sadly empty without those jagged lines. Yet, I know my ovaries were still working. I know because I got fertile cervical goop on cycle day 13 and a positive OPK (ovulation predictor test strip) on cycle day 15.

Silly as it may sound, part of me was afraid my ovaries would stop producing eggs when I stopped charting. I was also afraid I would miss the very short fertile period, because I missed all the signs of ovulation ever since I first got my period at 12 years old.

I know there’s no going back now. Even though this cycle was “unplugged” I will never be able to mentally unplug myself from my reproductive self. Womanhood is not getting your period. It is truly understanding the inner workings that take place to make life, to create a miracle that will someday turn into a living breathing, walking human being. And it all starts with ovulation.

Occording to OPK’s, I’m seven days past ovulation waiting for two pink lines. Seven more days to go.

A Plan To Not Plan

What's the first thing anyone that hasn't really tried to get pregnant tell you when you tell them you're trying?  The classic line: "Just relax and you'll get pregnant".  I wish it was that easy.  If it was I would be pregnant already.  I will admit that relaxing is hard when you want something so bad.

As a long shot, our last chance to chill cycle, this month was supposed to be a "just relax and get pregnant" month.  Meaning no charting BBT, no cervical fluid, no cervical position, no supplements, no nothing.  Just Prenatal vitamins and OPK's paired with carefree intercourse.  Sounds simple right?  Not.  It's been impossible to completely relax after using FAM for the past year.  Cervical fluid is nearly impossible to ignore and it's your primary fertility sign.

Charting for the past year told me a lot about my body and gave me a chance to see my cycle bouncing back from hormonal pills.  However, charting also caused me a lot of stress.  I would analyze my temperatures looking for clues of implantation and triphasic patterns.  My goal this cycle was to get away from nit picking temperatures and obsessing over symptoms because that is where the craziness comes from.  So far I've nixed the temperature part because I'm not doing BBT, but symptoms are difficult to pass off.

By this point, I'm nearly positive I know when I ovulate.

So you can guess that, yes, I've gotten the fertile cervical goop, a positive pee-stick, and in a day or two I'll be in the two week wait.  I'm already counting down the days to testing.

So was my plan a bust or what?

Praying for those two pink lines.

Running Out of Time

Not to be a raincloud or anything but...

This morning I made my most dreaded gyn appointment yet.  It's not the worst because of the annoying exam.  It will be the worst because of the conversation I'm going to have with my doctor.  The one that says we've been trying to conceive for a year with no success.

Is there a lighter, happier way to say the same thing?  How about we're having trouble getting pregnant? Any better?  Not by much.

There's something about this point.  And that something is the realization that we will be classified as infertile if I get Aunt Flo the first week of December.

Infertility.  Isn't that supposed to be reserved for people going through menopause?  People that have their reproductive organs altered?  Folks with severe diseases?  Nope.  It can affect the young and healthy.  I never thought we would get to this point, though the fear was always there and multiplied every month we were let down.

With God's help, I'm trying to stay faithful.  The optimistic part of me is saying We still have time.  There are plenty of couples that conceive during month 12.  The other, less optimistic part is saying This is it.  We're about to enter the world of testing and treatment, drugs and injections, poking and prodding.


We are down to the wire and I honestly don't know how we got here.  We had timed intercourse instead of just having random sex for a whole year.  I'm looking forward to getting some answers.  But I'm more hopeful that Aunt Flo doesn't arrive and we can confirm a pregnancy during that visit.

Praying for two pink lines.

Going Stir-Crazy Here

The two week wait. Those three little words alone can mean a time of both heart pounding excitement and hair pulling misery for any woman trying to conceive. Personally, I’m kind of wedged in between those two. I don’t get as emotionally invested as I once did, because after so many high hopes that came crashing down, you learn to take this time with a grain of salt -- or the whole salt shaker. After 8 months of trying and charting I think I finally have a grip on this thing. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have faith that this month is “the month” it’s going to happen, because I do. I believe whole heartedly that God has his hand in this and that it will happen. I also have faith in myself and my body, though I have had a lot of fears as well. But this isn’t what I really want to talk about.

I want to talk about what I’m going through this very moment. At nine days past ovulation I am having some symptoms. I usually have symptoms every cycle post-ovulation, but this cycle is different. For once, I actually had a positive OPK, so the whole pregnancy idea is even more real, more of a possibility. Setting myself up for disappointment? Maybe. Low cramps were the first thing that tipped me off two days ago at seven days past ovulation. They felt very similar to ovulation cramps and enough to make me want my heating pad. I’m not too concerned because I usually have one day of mid-luteal phase cramps. Then on eight days past ovulation I added fatigue onto my mild cramping, which is normal as well. Today on nine days past ovulation, I have some breast tenderness, which is once again normal.

And, for those that record their BBT, I’m about to add more to this list. On the morning of day eight, I experienced a lower temperature than the rest. This morning it bumped right back up to usual temps. If it stays elevated, I could have an implantation dip. Random dips in temperature happen from time to time and don’t necessarily mean a pregnancy chart. Once again, I’m stuck in the it could be, but it couldn’t be stage. Have I mentioned how much I hate the two week wait?

Since I chart I can look back and see that these things are normal for me. Which makes me sad because they can also be early pregnancy signs. See how easy it is to get psyched up? Perhaps I am too optimistic, but I took an ept when I came home from work today and got a BFN. No hard feelings though, because it is really rare to have enough hCG in your urine this early. I’m going to skip testing tomorrow at ten days past ovulation. Waiting til at least eleven days is smarter, yet still early. Hey, I bought a huge bargain pack of ept’s off Amazon just for this reason. I know I’m not alone in this.

Still hoping and praying.

Final Days in the Two Week Wait

This is how obsessed I am...  Yesterday I went out and bought 4 Dollar store pee-sticks.  How could I resist when they were only a dollar?  Besides being cheap I have heard they work really well.  My justification for buying so many?  The period has still not arrived, with minimal signs.  I've had some light cramping and some light brown spotting.  I am hoping with all my heart that these are implantation symptoms.

I'm currently on cycle day 31, 10 dpo.

I took one this morning and it came out negatory, will wait until Thursday morning to take another.