Hope in a Hopeless Place

I've done a lot of personal reflection and research since my last doctor appointment [read that post here].  I learned I may be dealing with a uterine abnormality.  Place that diagnosis on top of a luteal phase defect and health insurance that ends by the close of the month.  My doctor was so kind and refilled my Clomid prescription so I would be set for three cycles, so treatments aren't stopping completely, but still.  Starting September, we will not have any health care until I can purchase it from my employer.  And I don't know when that will be.

Our future for testing and treatment has become very bleak.

The days after the appointment all hope was sucked out of me.  I was thinking my chances were obliterated.  I wondered how am I ever supposed to get pregnant with an abnormally shaped uterus and a luteal phase defect on my own?  Is it even possible?  If surgery is needed, how long will I need to wait before it gets done?

Over the past two weeks, I've done a share of research through Google.

I learned it is possible, but many websites say the risk of miscarriage is increased.  The numbers and statistics were discouraging.  Most sites said it needed to be surgically corrected for successful pregnancy and live birth rates to significantly improve. 

On the other hand, I found websites with women who shared their story of giving birth to a healthy baby with their uterine abnormality intact.  I also read a study that said a septate uterus is not a direct cause of infertility because the rates of infertility are the same as those with a normal uterus.

As you can see, I've found conflicting information.  And will likely be conflicted until I can get a second opinion of what I'm dealing with.  But from what I can tell, there is hope that I can conceive naturally.  Well, as natural as I can on Clomid and my cocktail of vitamins.

In the mean time, I'm doing all I can to achieve pregnancy.  I am taking an array of vitamins and supplements to support my reproductive hormones.  I think I have yet to detail you guys on what exactly I take.  I eat fairly healthy and don't smoke or drink [often].  I've almost completely cut out caffeine from my life and it is for the better!  The Clomid is working on my ovaries to help me have a healthy ovulation.  Chris and I are having timed intercourse.  The HSG showed my tubes are open and likely flushed the cobwebs out, so we have that going for us.

We've pulled out all the stops possible.  There's nothing more we can do right now but hope a little bugger decides to make a home in my uterus for nine months.

With little left in my power, I've placed it in God's hands.  If this baby is going to happen, it's going to be his will.  Please pray for us, that we might not lose hope and get discouraged.  I have faith God will answer our prayers.

When Your Life Changes, Let God Change Your Life

I haven't really found an easy way to explain the recent findings in our quest for a fertility diagnosis.  Personally, I am still trying to wrap my mind around what is going on in our infertility journey.  There is no other way around it than to tell it how it is.  My doctor isn't even 100% sure of what we're dealing with, so I'll do my best to explain.


Friday afternoon I had an appointment at the OB/GYN clinic on base.  An appointment to go over the results of my HSG x-ray with the RE, Dr. King.

I took the disc with the images of my x-ray to Dr. King hoping he would say all is good and clear with my uterus.  Well, he said my tubes are open and shaped as they should be. However, something perplexed him about the upper shape of my uterus.  This is where things get indefinite because it was hard to see on the x-ray.  The balloon that the radiologist used to fill my uterus and tubes with dye was resting at the very uppermost part of my uterus.  It was obscuring what Dr. King wanted to see.  He thought the way the dye flowed around it was off and suspects I have a uterine septum.  He suspected this on an ultrasound months ago.  The HSG results only semi confirmed it.

What is a uterine septum? A septation is a division inside the uterine cavity.  Meaning I may have tissue or muscle that is either fully or partially dividing my uterus.  This extra tissue can cause infertility or miscarriage because it is less fertile.  The septum tissue lacks the blood vessels found in normal uterine lining that provide nutrients to an embryo.  So early miscarriages are often a result of septate pregnancies.

If this is the case with my uterus, my chances just went from slim to even slimmer.

Lord willing, eventually an embryo will implant in the healthy uterine lining and develop normally.  I've read that women have carried babies to term while having a septate uterus.  The baby just pushes the septum aside as it grows.  I've also read that women have increased their chances of pregnancy with the septum corrected through surgery.  Right now surgery is not an option because our insurance ends at the end of this month.  I don't know when I will be eligible for insurance through my employer, so for now we just carry on.

Now, some good came out of our meeting.  Dr. King dropped a bombshell on me, but he didn't leave me entirely hopeless.  He hooked me up when I told him that this would likely be our last meeting because my husband got out of the Air Force.  He fudged a little in the prescription department and prescribed me three months worth of Clomid to pick up at the pharmacy that day.  I couldn't believe it!  He also gave me the names of reputable REs in the area, so when I am able to see an RE again I'll know where to look.


That evening I cried.  I felt defeated and devastated.  My battle with infertility has gotten even harder.  I've done a lot of praying and I've found strength in God.  I know in my heart that I'm not alone in this journey.  He is taking me on an incredible journey and I will continue to have faith that this is HIS plan.  If anyone can work a miracle, it is Jesus.

I've found a lot of peace in listening to Christian radio.  Whenever this song comes on tears fill my eyes because even though life is hard, God is so good.  I hope you find peace in this song as well.

Killer Clomid

It's been 11 days since the X-ray of my uterus on July 10th.

A lot has happened in that 11 days.

I cramped for a few days after the procedure.  Then the real fun began.

This round of Clomid was killer.  And I was totally not expecting it because last cycle was so mild.  Let me share my experience.

As soon as the cramping from the HSG wore off, I started to feel my ovaries getting "heavy".  Sweet, I was happy the Clomid was stimulating my ovaries cause that meant I was going to ovulate soon.  (And you have to ovulate to have a baby, folks.) The heaviness turned into a bloated feeling by Sunday the 15th.  At the end of the day on Monday my ovaries were slightly tender.  Aligned with my temperature dip, I was certain Monday was the day I was going to ovulate.

I was wrong.

Tuesday started off great, but by 5:00 PM I was in a lot of pain.  Walking hurt, both ovaries ached and throbbed, and I was bloated beyond belief.  I had to unbutton my jeans on the drive home because it felt like I had swallowed a cantaloup.  As soon as I was home I slapped a heating pad on my tummy.  It helped minimally.  So thankful that I had a few pain pills left over from my wisdom teeth extraction.  I took a Lor.tab that night because I could not sleep with the pain.  I hoped the pain was gone in the morning or I would be calling the RE.  Clomid is supposed to stimulate follicles on the ovaries, but if I had a cyst I would need to have it monitored.

Wednesday morning the pain was significantly less, praise Jesus.  I was relieved.  When I got off work that evening, I only had mild cramping.  Thursday was even better, but still a little crampy.  Friday morning my ovaries felt normal and the cramping was non existent. 

Looking back, and at my BBT chart, the pain peaked the day before I ovulated.  So, I had some pretty intense ovulatory pain.

During the shenanigans, I couldn't help but wonder why was this cycle so different than last?  Was it the HSG?  Was it the supplements of Royal Jelly or Evening Primrose Oil that I'm taking?  What about the B-vitamin complex?

Whatever made the difference, I hope it worked and our struggle with infertility is over after this cycle.  We will find out in about two weeks.  Pray for us.