Leave it to a cheesy pop song done by an over-rated Disney brat to get stuck in your head, but it honestly got me thinking about what I am going through in my life. Miley Cyrus' The Climb addresses struggle and even though it would be nice to avoid hard times, the process of getting through them is just as valuable as the outcome. You earn a sense of accomplishment when you tackle a hard task and succeed.
I remember music history class my junior year of university. I was a transfer student from a junior college and was new to the music program. When I signed up for my classes I didn't know much about the professors, and I chose a music history class that best fit my schedule. I did not know what I was in for. My professor was Dr. Wibe (pronounced why-bee). She was Russian and had received her education in Russia. I didn't know how deep I was in until we started having pop quizzes the second day of learning new material. By the second week the full classroom was cut in half. Other students had dropped her and joined the other music history course offered by an easier professor. I don't know why I chose to stay, perhaps because I had to. Despite being difficult, she was intriguing and had a passion for the topic. I studied more for this course than any other I ever took. And because I had to work so hard, had to struggle to stay afloat, I felt such a sense of pride when I passed the final.
I felt that course was a mountain. Without the struggle the accomplishment would not have been as great.
Here I am going on eleven months of trying to conceive. I am definitely climbing a huge mountain (with clouds shrouding the top). This journey has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through. Yes, it even beats out being a teenager. Like any mountain climb, the view at the top is worth it. But the hardest task is finding joy in the climb. If you've ever hiked or climbed a mountain, you know there is plenty of beauty on the way to the top. There are icy waterfalls, trickling streams, frozen glaciers, and patches of bright wildflowers. If you are so focused on getting to the top, you may miss what's around you.
So what's around me? Family. Friends. Life.
I will admit that ttc has crept into nearly every thought. I am always thinking what life would be like with a baby or child. It's been hard to enjoy life when it's in every thought of mine. I am well and truly obsessed with becoming a mother.
I honestly hate hearing people say "Just relax and you'll get pregnant" because I am trying too actively to just relax. I think they mean to say "Enjoy life, don't worry so much, and when it's time you will get pregnant".
I have been working on counting my blessings, and enjoying life. Hopefully a baby will come along soon.
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